Does your guilt tend to work extra hours?Pulling out the dagger of a faulty blame.

It seems that most of us have been, in one way or another, wrongly blamed in our past.

Especially as children, we were taking the blame for things that were not in our power to change. Things that were projected upon us and may have nothing to do with us.

It was often connected to pains and frustrations of others and their inability to deal with them.

It may have been done openly or silently.

It may have been done knowingly, as misuse of power and or unknowingly and unintentionally.

Many times, those accusations felt like stabs into our being of that seem to have entered quiet deep into our psyche and have twisted our sense of self and responsibility.

Out of that faulty blame, we carry today some bleeding wounds that are weeping inflamed guilt.

Guilt is a natural response we have when we feel that we may have hurt someone. It is our human(e) way to move through life without creating damage.

It is what allows us to connect, to create communities, to care for each other and make sure we take care of our surrounding while we grow, expand and stay free to be who we are.

But for guilt to be a healthy response, it must be balanced with our ability to refuse and reject. Our anger must be also free. Free to stop ourselves from compromising who we are as well as stopping anything that may damage us.

As children, when our ability to truly reject and resist is compromised, guilt and blame are strong energies that can be easily misused, misread and affect us very strongly.

When young we are asked more often than not, to agree and take everything “in”.

For some of us, this may have been numbing our anger and making us overly guilty. Overly agreeing. Unable to refuse, when we want to.

For some of us, it may have created an accumulation of anger that can turn easily into rage and we become destructive.

When we respond today out of those wounds, it is as if we still carry those metal spears of blame and guilt. They are piercing us even deeper and activating that horrid pain of “feeling bad”, with each “wrong” movement.

We are then responding like porcupines that stretch their spikes for protections.

Carrying that blame and guilt inside of us is a torture;

Every possible mistake or a disagreeing - in some way - response from someone else, is touching on that old feeling of being bad. Of being wrong and punished. Of being not worthy. Of being rejected and unloved.

And this danger is everywhere all the time….

To our defense we have to say that we are not aware of those spears anymore.

Blame and the misuse of guilt has sadly become so normal in our society, that we live among porcupine - like creatures, more than free humans.

This is why we do not see those spears so easily. We mistake them with part of who we are. We get easily entangled and stuck in each other’s spikes and spears.

If we train to stop using those spikes, pull out those spears, heal those wounds and trust our hearts and ability to stand within ourselves, we can return to our human form with all its complexity, compassion and glory.

We can better live together, love together and create together.

To do so I would ask you to think for a moment and recall:

When do you feel blamed?

When do you tend to get into your defending spikes?

Or when and how do you tend to fall into a guilt trap more than you would like to?

When you take a moment to identify that in your life, take a moment and feel how do you become when you remember those parts of your life?

Where is your body do you feel you need to create most of the protective efforts?

Stay with that attention and take a moment to feel the way to create that protection.

Feel what efforts you do physically.

What are the feelings and thoughts you have towards yourself and your surroundings?

How do you see yourself?

Feel what old accusation are you trying to fight.

When you go into that state, what happens is, is that you actually stay pierced by that accusation.

The most challenging moment is to choose to pull that spear out, despite the pain or fear you might feel in the first moment doing so.

It means to breath and to feel that area you are so trying to defend.

Let’s pull that spear out.

To do so – you literally with try to pull that invisible spear or thorn from that area of your body, you recognized as the center of defense.

Take your fingers and close on that imaginary spear and with a deep inhale start to slowly pull that spear out.

When you exhale drop it down to the floor from your fingers.

Repeat that movement for a while.

Feel what happens in your experience.

Allow more movement and breath to enter your body.

You can think of those people that were pushing those spears into you (knowingly or unknowingly), and when you pull those spears out you can say:

” I am not holding this for you anymore”. “This is your fear. Your pain. Your frustration”.

” I am not holding this for you anymore”.

“ I was afraid. I was trying to do my best to make it better. But it was not my responsibility. I am sorry bit it is yours”.

“I am not holding this for you anymore”.

If there is a wave of anger or a need to more actively fight or resist, allow it to be expressed.

Keep on pulling few more times. And then out your hands on that area.

Breath and allow that area to relax and open up under the protection of your hands.

Breath and allow all the old sensations to flow and move through your body and around you, so that they can “leave” your body.

Take another few breaths with your hands on that area and be aware of the distance you have with those “accusing” people.

How are you able now to see them?

Feel how you are now able to step away from that place where their spikes are stretched.

Give yourself time to integrate this experience and allow the new way of perceiving yourself, others and your option to show itself.

If there are still old emotions coming, just let them flow in you and through you.

Think of people you tend to get defensive next to. Now with that spear out, feel the natural protection you have, feel the ability to refuse within yourself to carry what is not yours.

Feel the wholeness of who you are.

And if you can try to search for that experience in you and around you of being whole.

Of seeing out of compassion without needing to compromise yourself.

Take this experience into those moments in your life. Be aware of the ability to let the spears be pulled out and letting go of your defensive spikes.

Feel what needs are there that you have or the person Infront of you, that can be now felt and tended to.

Feel the capability and stability you now have when doing so.

Each time you feel trapped in that old sense of blame, breathe and pull that spear out and you see how all starts to shift for you.

How being at ease with who you are will allow you to be at ease with others.

Yours,

Anna

Photo by Thanh Tran on Unsplash