Getting all of yourself back

In our culture we have a complex relation with our bodies.

Not only that we look at it as a bothersome thing, but we are also pressured with so many judgements and cruel standards regarding our body, that we tend to be abusive to it and ultimately split away from it.

We also tend to “sacrifice” parts of our bodies as a way to deal with unpleasant or traumatic situations and with some complex emotions.

It is our way of making a deal with the “devil”; we think that by disconnecting from a part pf our body, by numbing it, rejecting it or constantly holding it tense, we can be freed from the unpleasant confrontation in life and with the uncomfortable choices we need to make at times.

Many of those deals were done in our childhood or teenage time, where we were unable to act fully upon our will and need. The risk of getting hurt more, of losing the sense of belonging and love was too high, and cutting a piece of ourselves was an acceptable price to pay at the time. The problem is that we stay committed to those deals. We rarely take the conscious time to undo those deals. To truly refuse this submission and risk feeling and choosing again.

For example: so many women have some difficulties to feel their chest and breasts in a comfortable and natural way. It is often a part women’s body that has been sexualized before they got comfortable in having it as teenagers. How many of the women out there feel ashamed of their breasts, go bent or harden the chest? They might not be aware of it or even act as if they do not care or are over… but the shame is still haunting them. It lashes out in different ways.

And how many men try not to sense anything below their head? How many men are ignoring what they sense, being ashamed or afraid of what they might feel in their bellies.

So many are taught to be ashamed of feeling anything as it might be perceived as a weakness.

How many of us do not feel our legs well? How many of us needed to cut away from the experience of wanting to jump, run away kick and just move?

No one of us can escape those kind of “devilish deals”. Each one of us had to do it. Each one of us though has to go through the process of undoing those deals. Each one of us has to dare to cut those ties and take back parts of her/himself, in order to heal, grow up and be able to move towards personal freedom or inner peace. This process is what enables us to express ourselves and bring into life our talents and abilities.

Knowing is not enough.

Being aware is not healing.

Connecting and moving through the sensations held there, is.

Committing to releasing the tension and undoing the routines of disconnect until they “die”, is how we get those parts pf ourselves back.

It may take a while. It all depends on how much we are ready to break the deal and not be tempted again. Sometimes is can happen quickly with an intense forceful wave and sometimes it needs time to gently release the tie and all that is holds.

I want to invite you to take a first step or a further step into taking back parts of yourself.

To undo more of those compromising ties and embrace the inconvenience of shame, fear or hurt, so that so can connect to your abundance of joy, the deeper pleasure that can run in your veins when you wake up, and the vibrant sense of creating your life.

Start with scanning your body.

Close your eyes and breathe deeply at least three times.

Then feel which part jumps into your attention as it is painful or tense?

Or which part feels absent?

You can also use your hands: start to move them on your skin throughout the body, noticing which parts reacts with a sense of numbness, shame or other discomfort.

Once you chose on part of the body or an area start by saying:

“I am sorry for doing this to you. I want you back. Will you come back?”

Take a deep breath. Focus your attention on that area. Sense it as it is with the pain, the lack of sensation, the discomfort etc.

Find a way of touching it wither with your hand, or if this is not possible, let that area touch the wall, the cushion or another object. You want the area to be touched.

Breathe deep 3 times while this area is touched.

Try to bring movement to the area first by contracting and releasing the muscles there. Do it at least 5 times.

Then move the area in little circles or 8 motion. Breathe while you do that.

If it is impossible to reach to the area with your hand, create a pulling motion with your fingers from above the area while you breath: as if you are pulling some strings out of it. If not use deep breaths and try to release and let go of the muscles and the skin in that area maybe using your mind to see how those strings or energy and smoke like material is being released from that area.

Breath deep and allow your body to move, shake and let go as much as possible.

Say again: “I am taking you back”. “I am sorry”. “ I will not give up on you ever again even if it would be uncomfortable”- you can find your own words for that, ones that bring more vibrations and sensations.

Now if you have a memory around that area, let it come into your awareness.

Breath, and feel the area again. Make sure you do not contract or disconnect.

Remember your promise and your commitment. Feel how at the time of the memory you had to act differently. Be ready to sense the fear, the rage, the shame the disgust or whatever there was without giving up on that area of your body. This is how you complete the experience and make sure you are not tempted anymore to keep the “devilish deal”.

Take a moment to rest and when you open your eyes feel what are the choices that are clear in you now.

Yours

Anna

Photo by Brigitta Schneiteron Unsplash