Hungry for being love?

Anna Krimerman
Oct 25, 2020
5 min read

The need to be loved, wanted and accepted (to belong), is a need we all have.

It is an important need that has to find it’s satisfaction when we are children.

Knowing we are wanted and loved for simply being ourselves is what made us feel we belong. It was the invitation and the gate through which we could pour ourselves into life, into expression and into fulfillment that then can grow into contribution.

This need fulfilled is one part of feeling grounded. An important feeling that stays with us later on in life.

Grounded in who we are.

We can be connected to what is around us, trusting and knowing we are held and cared for.

Having that need fulfilled in the past, allows us to navigate through difficult situations in life as we grow.

BUTrarely is there such a “perfect” state.

We all experienced some kind of shortage in this need being fulfilled.

The traumas and lacks our parents and care givers have experienced themselves, may have very well stood in the way for them to be able to give us this love.

Misfortunes such as early deaths of our parents, would have created a crack through which our need was leaking.

An absence of a parent could have created a sensation of a hole in our hearts we had to effort fully close in order to manage.

Economical stress for example or the pressure of social expectations our parents (and care givers) succumbed to, may have also been standing in their way of seeing us and loving us.

And sometimes the love and attention we received was mixed with other unfulfilled needs of our parents and care givers had.

Some parents might have hidden their own lack of courage to seek their path, by giving us everything… This mixture have also burdened or stained our experience of being wanted and loved.

Growing up is a process of healing, accepting, daring and letting go.

Growing up means becoming independent.

It means we carry the responsibility for our experiences and the way we relate to them.

In order to truly grow up, find ourselves and be true to who we are, we must give up upon the old neediness for love, for approval or admiration

When we grow up we can find the trust and belonging that life offers us, without relaying anymore on the bridge our parents were supposed to create for us.

Think of the places and moments in life when you are moved by the need to be loved, accepted or liked. Remember shortly the moments you felt rejected and were shattered by it. Or the moments you have doubted yourself too much because of a comment that was thrown your way.

Try to shine the uncomfortable light onto that part of yourself.

The difficult task we face today, is to admit it ourselves. To admit that what moves us at times, in some choices and actions (and reactions), is our wish for being liked. To be loved. The hunger for love.

Examine for a moment these questions:

· What were you ready to give up on and compromise in yourself or even reduce and hold back so that you will be liked and loved?

· What kind of rigid ideas and rules do you hold in your mind that become harsh conditions you need to fulfill in order to know you are OK? When do these conditions become the inner test you carry to check if they really love you? And if you are lovable? How often do you and they pass?

· When did you close yourself, became cold, blaming and punishing because you felt you were not loved and accepted enough by some of your friends and partners?

Often times the feeling of self-hate or self-doubt are the results of not having that past need fulfilled. Even the effort of being “over confident” is a part of it. It is the compensation for it that tries to scare anyone who might come close.

The result of that long hunger is what we need to heal. Healing is now in our hands.

To do so we have to remember that:

Love cannot be consumed.

Love cannot be controlled.

Love cannot be expected nor demanded.

If we were hungry for a long time, we should be aware that we might be able to endure only little portions of food/love at the beginning. At least until our hearts and bellies can trust that it is there for us. Until the bitter taste of the past is not mixed with what we “eat” today.

It is not because others do not offer it enough.

Life does not punish us with lack of love and acceptance. It is wewho need to learn how to be fed. It is we who need to come to the table, not begging nor blaming for the lack we experienced.

It is we who need to learn to sense satisfaction.

We who need NOT to react to each moment of hunger (of insecurity and longing) with the old panic of never having any food to our hearts.

We need to learn to cook ourselves.

We need to endure of the sensation hunger and know that it is not famine but the way we can be motivated to find ways of growing more acceptance and love within ourselves and from ourselves.

We need to be the ones who bring the food to the table.

Love is like food that can be found everywhere. Similar to us modern consumers that are used to get it packed and ready, so is the relation to love. We are ignorant to its variety, to where it grows and how to grow it.

So I offer you to start being aware of you hunger and be honest about how it moves you. Take time to stay with each moment of hurt you feel when being rejected.

Breath into it.

Try not to contract your chest, jaw or back. It won’t help you. It will just keep you trapped in a shrunken state where Love cannot enter.

Give space to your heart to breath and be fed by the experience that life brought you.

Take a moment to feel your bones, your legs and pelvis.

Don’t rush to satisfy your hunger with the first best thing.

Practicing this will allow you to heal those old wounds and mal-nourishment of the past.

This is what will allow you to sense being grounded; To make choices, act and relate from a place of trust and satisfaction. Knowing there is satisfaction for you.

Knowing there is love for you, but at the same time you are not dependent on this hot moment to get it now now now.

You are then also able to feel and sense what kind of love is your love. To refuse if needed. You lose the fear of loss for this moment, knowing that you do not need to twist yourself in order to be loved.

Experiment and find out how this state can connect you to a deeper trust and a greater courage in your choices. How there may be a growing sense of being whole. How being satisfied is not anymore a fantasy but something you can taste more often. How life will reveal its offering to you, like little sweet surprises. How you will be able to take it and accept it without thinking it should have been different or better.

Then you will not have a nagging hunger for love. Then you will be whole. Then your relationships will be rich with trust and the compromised ones will stop being the main course.

With love,

Anna

The need to be loved, wanted and accepted (to belong), is a need we all have.

It is an important need that has to find it’s satisfaction when we are children.

Knowing we are wanted and loved for simply being ourselves is what made us feel we belong. It was the invitation and the gate through which we could pour ourselves into life, into expression and into fulfillment that then can grow into contribution.

This need fulfilled is one part of feeling grounded. An important feeling that stays with us later on in life.

Grounded in who we are.

We can be connected to what is around us, trusting and knowing we are held and cared for.

Having that need fulfilled in the past, allows us to navigate through difficult situations in life as we grow.

BUTrarely is there such a “perfect” state.

We all experienced some kind of shortage in this need being fulfilled.

The traumas and lacks our parents and care givers have experienced themselves, may have very well stood in the way for them to be able to give us this love.

Misfortunes such as early deaths of our parents, would have created a crack through which our need was leaking.

An absence of a parent could have created a sensation of a hole in our hearts we had to effort fully close in order to manage.

Economical stress for example or the pressure of social expectations our parents (and care givers) succumbed to, may have also been standing in their way of seeing us and loving us.

And sometimes the love and attention we received was mixed with other unfulfilled needs of our parents and care givers had.

Some parents might have hidden their own lack of courage to seek their path, by giving us everything… This mixture have also burdened or stained our experience of being wanted and loved.

Growing up is a process of healing, accepting, daring and letting go.

Growing up means becoming independent.

It means we carry the responsibility for our experiences and the way we relate to them.

In order to truly grow up, find ourselves and be true to who we are, we must give up upon the old neediness for love, for approval or admiration

When we grow up we can find the trust and belonging that life offers us, without relaying anymore on the bridge our parents were supposed to create for us.

Think of the places and moments in life when you are moved by the need to be loved, accepted or liked. Remember shortly the moments you felt rejected and were shattered by it. Or the moments you have doubted yourself too much because of a comment that was thrown your way.

Try to shine the uncomfortable light onto that part of yourself.

The difficult task we face today, is to admit it ourselves. To admit that what moves us at times, in some choices and actions (and reactions), is our wish for being liked. To be loved. The hunger for love.

Examine for a moment these questions:

· What were you ready to give up on and compromise in yourself or even reduce and hold back so that you will be liked and loved?

· What kind of rigid ideas and rules do you hold in your mind that become harsh conditions you need to fulfill in order to know you are OK? When do these conditions become the inner test you carry to check if they really love you? And if you are lovable? How often do you and they pass?

· When did you close yourself, became cold, blaming and punishing because you felt you were not loved and accepted enough by some of your friends and partners?

Often times the feeling of self-hate or self-doubt are the results of not having that past need fulfilled. Even the effort of being “over confident” is a part of it. It is the compensation for it that tries to scare anyone who might come close.

The result of that long hunger is what we need to heal. Healing is now in our hands.

To do so we have to remember that:

Love cannot be consumed.

Love cannot be controlled.

Love cannot be expected nor demanded.

If we were hungry for a long time, we should be aware that we might be able to endure only little portions of food/love at the beginning. At least until our hearts and bellies can trust that it is there for us. Until the bitter taste of the past is not mixed with what we “eat” today.

It is not because others do not offer it enough.

Life does not punish us with lack of love and acceptance. It is wewho need to learn how to be fed. It is we who need to come to the table, not begging nor blaming for the lack we experienced.

It is we who need to learn to sense satisfaction.

We who need NOT to react to each moment of hunger (of insecurity and longing) with the old panic of never having any food to our hearts.

We need to learn to cook ourselves.

We need to endure of the sensation hunger and know that it is not famine but the way we can be motivated to find ways of growing more acceptance and love within ourselves and from ourselves.

We need to be the ones who bring the food to the table.

Love is like food that can be found everywhere. Similar to us modern consumers that are used to get it packed and ready, so is the relation to love. We are ignorant to its variety, to where it grows and how to grow it.

So I offer you to start being aware of you hunger and be honest about how it moves you. Take time to stay with each moment of hurt you feel when being rejected.

Breath into it.

Try not to contract your chest, jaw or back. It won’t help you. It will just keep you trapped in a shrunken state where Love cannot enter.

Give space to your heart to breath and be fed by the experience that life brought you.

Take a moment to feel your bones, your legs and pelvis.

Don’t rush to satisfy your hunger with the first best thing.

Practicing this will allow you to heal those old wounds and mal-nourishment of the past.

This is what will allow you to sense being grounded; To make choices, act and relate from a place of trust and satisfaction. Knowing there is satisfaction for you.

Knowing there is love for you, but at the same time you are not dependent on this hot moment to get it now now now.

You are then also able to feel and sense what kind of love is your love. To refuse if needed. You lose the fear of loss for this moment, knowing that you do not need to twist yourself in order to be loved.

Then you will not have a nagging hunger for love. Then you will be whole. Then your relationships will be rich with trust and the compromised ones will stop being the main course.

With love,

Anna

Comments