Let your heart lead you towards the man you truly are - dedicated to all the good men out there.

Do you tend to build a wall of resistance to hearing a request, a need, or a complaint?

Do you tend to hear everything as a criticism that makes you prove and fight to show that nothing is wrong with you?

Are you able to listen without immediately feeling pressure to act?

Can you let yourself fall and agree to be loved and held?

Most men did not have the experience of being held and supported. Young boys are still expected to control themselves, quickly regulate their emotions, and always know what to do. Growing up, they need to learn to contain and trust their power but rarely find guidance.

Most men learned how to be “men” in our society from fathers and grandfathers who carry the burden and trauma of war. Most men were learning in silence.

Think about it; until not so long ago and sadly even now, countries and power-seeking leaders sent(d) many men to their deaths for rarely justified causes. But even when the reasons were just, and their lives and trauma were not in vain, those men never got the attention, the love, and the support to heal from the trauma they brought home with them. Nor did their families and young boys that needed a father and guidance on how to be and navigate life.

Needing to function and hide what they felt and saw leaked into how their boys had to be.

It hurts me to see how men, as a result of these expectations, can so easily fall into the needing to prove their worth, how they fight everything that might touch a place of weakness, fear, or hurt. How they fiercely fight and try to erase everything/everyone, that may expose they “do not know,” “don’t have a solution,” and “are not able to function immediately. How their NOes and YESes to life, love, and who they are, are twisted.

Not only women are the victims of the system of abusive power structures and the patriarchy. And women have suffered immensely and need to recover their power. Our societies owe them this support and recovery.

But those men who want freedom, honesty, and authenticity are not being supported nor given the space to be with that need.

The system and culture suppress and pressure men. It twists their hearts, so they either run away from their power and presence or lose themselves as they try to erase their hurt, vulnerability, and needs.

Men often stay isolated and alone, as they are expected to manage all on their own.

Men and boys were not encouraged to see a connection as something they deserved and deeply needed.

Recovering your heart and power as a man in this society needs attention and care.

Layers of disconnect must be patiently removed, like those bandages wrapped around wounded parts.

Give yourself the time to recover and heal parts of yourself, and let love be part of it.

Make sure that you commit to not fighting yourself or others when you feel vulnerable.

That you agree to explore the moments you feel “out of control.”

That you continuously connect to your heart and relax into the paradox of power and vulnerability. Embrace the need for connection and authenticity that may always carry a moment of shame for you.

Give yourself the time to grow into the man you are rather than pushing yourself to do and be like you had to be as a young boy.

Search for love and let it be there for you. Let yourself fall, even if it feels like you are losing control. Breathe into that fear.

You can start by reconnecting again and again to the area of the chest.

Every day, breathe into it and learn how to create more space, movement, and flow in the area.

No wonder so many men tend to suffer from problems in the area of the chest and heart. For years they have had to suffocate it.

Find ways throughout the day to take deep breaths, feel the inside of the chest, and bring movements to the area.

Identify when you (feel) need to be responsible, solve the problem, and carry it on your shoulders. Or when you seem to need to fight a critique. Create awareness around what you do in the area of the chest and shoulders.

Try to catch yourself doing that in different situations. Instead of responding, try to take a moment to undo the “fighting/defending modus.” Breathe into the chest several times to expand it and ease the accumulated efforts. Then, if you can, move your shoulders, and remind yourself that you do not need to carry it all alone. That way, you will not do “too much,” nor will you need to fight to free yourself from the “responsibility.”

Keep breathing and connecting to the sensations in your body- especially the sensation in your chest, while remembering you have a choice. Remember, there is no immediate threat. Be aware of your legs and pelvis, and if you can, through your training, follow the flow within you, letting it open up like a fountain through and around your heart.

When you then respond, try to do so out of finding, remembering, and choosing to find where is the connection and love for that person, situation, or subject.

Let yourself be the man you are.

Yours,

Anna

Photo by Stephanie Klepacki on Unsplash