Missing you - rediscovering me, an internal connection

The heartache of missing people we love/d, can be unbearable at times.

It may feel like a hot and burning sensation or an endless pit our hearts fall into.

Especially when we are aware we cannot bring those who have left back into our lives.

No matter if they moved away, distanced themselves or completed this life time, missing someone without the ability to immediately have them back next to us, can be devastating.

Part of the difficulty to manage with this painful loss is because the intensity of our love and connection to those we loved, has suddenly no path to flow into as it once had.

No knowing how to be, this intensity starts to swirl around within us, unable to find where to go and thus burns a “hole” in us.

Being continuously nourished by the love of that relationship when the person is gone, needs time to be newly established.

Mourning and separating is one step that we need the time and space for. We must give ourselves the time so that we will not close our hearts in need for protection from the intensity of the loss.

Moving into the process of letting go of the relationship as it once was, is better possible when we let go of every dependency we may have (unknowingly) held in the relationship. Any part of us that believed and felt, it cannot exist or experience the fullness of life, without that person around, should be eased into letting go.

It should be guided into finding within our own selves those sensations, abilities and states that have been woken up to life by the person we loved.

Every meaningful encounter opens up, touches and reveals parts of ourselves that we did not know we have. The people we loved are the ones who touched us, inspired us and brought so many aspects of us into life, but we are the ones who “own” that part.

It is in our hands to find the connection to that aspect of us on our own.

Once we manage to do so, we can then re-establish our love and connection in a way that will allow us to expand and include those people in our lives, even if they are gone.

The wound of the loss, will always be there in some way.

But it will heal.

It will stay as a reminder.

A reminder for love and for the ability to grow and expand with it.

It may need you to dedicate every day some time. To give it (but it is to yourself) space to be felt and tended to. Time for it to heal.

To do so start with taking aside 15-30 min.

Find a comfortable and quiet place where you can be either sitting or lying down.

Close your eyes and find where this pain is at the moment. It might be mainly in the chest to begin with. If so, start by breathing deeply into the chest. If it is in other areas, stretch the breath to those areas, or as close as possible to them.

For now, there is nothing you should do more, but take this time fully to feel, and be with that pain and with yourself.

Continuously breathe deeply into your chest, taking the time to experience the sadness, the hurt, and whatever other emotions and sensations may come up.

There may be different experiences popping up. Be ready to meet all without judgment.

Be patient to breathe through every intensity.

It takes time for all the fullness of the experience to unfold. For the loss to move into a new state of ease and then new love and connection.

You may be at times frightened of the intensity you sense. Your impulse of protection may be to either stop breathing so deeply and control by this the experience. Or to fight the intensity by contracting your body or by simply wanting to quit.

But stay. Keep on doing it. Stay with it. Breathe deeply. Let the experience “work”, transform and reveal all the layers of your love and of who you are, or can become.

When the time ends, notice how you are. Try to allow whatever experience there is to still flow and be present with you throughout the day. You are not in danger when it is there. If you keep on “embracing it”, it will be there which and for you.

You will have to stop trying to “function” or be ok for others. Overcome it all quickly.

You will be able to do whatever you choose to do with that hurt and experience. Trust it. Trust yourself.

After maintaining your attention and breath in this manner for at least a week you may be feeling that the initial intensity of the pain is reducing. If that is the case, you can move to a second step of letting go and getting back.

When you take the time “to be with the person”, remember what you have loved about them.

When you remember them from that perspective, go back to breathing deeply and with your breath, embrace that quality. Breathe in a way that wakes up all of your body, all of your bones, muscles and skin. Feel how that quality you so much love. Connect to that presence of those people and how it felt for you to be around. Wake up that feeling within you.

Let it be saturated in your body. Let it invade every pore.

Breathe into it until you feel it emanating from and within you.

Feel how it to contain and maintain that experience within you.

Put your hands on your chest, or where every you feel best, and say to that person:

“Thank you for being there with me. I loved our time together. You will always be with me. And I will always be with you.”

If you want you can repeat this sentence, while you still try to breathe deeply and feel how that part of connection is held in your whole experience, in your body.

You may feel that it is difficult to complete this sentence and there is a need to hold on. You may meet a difficulty to breathe. Maybe there is tension in your body or a sense of getting lost and not believing you can continue.

If so, take a moment to feel how you hold on to the old way of being and connecting to that person.

When you take the time to be aware of the holding, of the disbelief that you can carry on or that it is all lost, notice how you hold that in your body. With your breath, with our eyes and brain, with your muscles and bone, even the skin.

How do you become in those moments? What dependency and fear of losing and not managing is there? How old is it?

Feel the way you react to the fear of staying alone. Feel how old it is.

When you hold that person with you in this way, feel how small you stay and how that person would react….

Pay attention to the place of connection between you both.

Try to feel in your body, where are you connected from and to?

When you found that place and that sense of connection, breathe in order to now create an expansion and a letting go, with which you can create a new sense of connecting. A new trust in that bond. When you breathe and try to open up, breathe especially into that place in your body. When you feel you are ready to slowly open up, remember that you are doing this out of love to the person.

You are called to find your inner deepest trust in yourself and vital strength in order to let that person go. It is your strength that can allow you to love and let that person to be free to go their path.

Keep on breathing and expanding, paying attention to the connection between you. Like an invisible cord where your connection is and love is flowing.

Feel the space around you and how you can move and expand into it: become bigger for that person to be able to be free and be part of your space, if you choose to.

And then put your hands on that place of connection and say: “You can go now. I will always love you. I am well. I am safe. You are welcome whenever you want”.

Take another deep breath… and rest with it.

Feel the space you have with in you and around you.

Feel the new connection you have.

Feel the strength of yourself and your love that can continue to emanate from you.

Miss them and find yourself.

With love

Anna

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash