On being offended and the inner independence that needs to follow

In the last days I have experienced myself and observed in others, the state of being offended.

I hated falling into that pit myself. It felt like giving my power away. Like hanging on a hook, dangling from the thread of the opinions others have, unable to land on my own feet.

And when I saw others getting offended, they seem to retreat into a porcupine state of emotions, spiked with defensiveness. And at times sink into a swamp of self- pity and misery.

It all seemed so destructive that it moved me to find a way out. To reconnect to my own power and undo any kind of inner dependency. Of a neediness I did not realize before.

Actually meeting that state so clearly and being so angered by it, gave me yet once again a new option for expanding my freedom. To release another shackle that held me back from it.

Freedom is when we are always connected to our own inner strength and vitality.

People can have the intention to hurt and offend, but even then we are the ones who let those hot spears enter and burn inside of us.

The offense often enters (no matter of intentional or interpreted) into our hearts or bellies when there is a “rotten” area in us. A part of ourselves we have been isolating from our vitality by being ashamed of it, hating it, or fearing it may not have a place in the world.

These parts suffer lack of vitality like a necrosis. This is then the place from where the offense enters and disarms and weakens us.

We may become either helpless or overly aggressive and defensive. This is the moment where our personal power is given away and we are disconnected from it.

When we gave away (and unknowingly still give away or stay disconnected from) our power, we are trapped in begging for acceptance and “love” from the outside. It may be deceiving at times, as some people tend to become overly proud or pushy regrinding those parts of themselves. And then to our external eye they play the role of being very confident or strong. But what they actually do, is to tightly hold everyone around them not to touch that part of themselves that is bleeding shame and dripping hurt.

In the course of being socialized and shaped to fit society, we all had the experience of being shamed or rejected. We might have also taken on the rejection and shame of others, absorbing it to be the way we have to related to ourselves as well.

With time this shame and rejection became something we eternalized and carried on within ourselves; We started to reject, hate and shame those parts.

This way of being, weakens us. It makes us feel dependent on others: suddenly they hold the power over how we view ourselves, our abilities and place in the world.

If you want to stay connected to your inner strength, to have more inner freedom and independence, think for a moment about the moments you get offended:

How do you become and act when you are offended?

When do you feel offended? And why do you feel offended?

What part of you is begging for acceptance in the background?

How does it still tremble with an old memory of rejection and being shamed?

Now what if you just start with acknowledging it. Taking back the energy you may be investing in getting angry, defensive, proving etc. Taking it back into your body.

Breathing deeply and following and encouraging a movement within yourself that comes into your body and moves down to your belly and legs.

One that relaxes all the effort that may be accumulated in your chest, back shoulders and head that tries to push out.

Not needing anymore to jump out of yourself onto that person or situation, but rather pull back and land.

As if you lean back onto an unseen support to your back and behind.

As if you sit comfortably.

Now take another deep breath and insist on dismantling the effort to push forward.

Listen to the background need that wants you to push forward. “To win”.

What does it actually want? What does it hurt? What “love” is it looking for?

Keep on pulling back.

Keep on breathing and finding more and more options of landing. Letting go of that need to push. Expanding the space within yourself.

And then once that stat is more available to you, direct your attention to the person /s you were offended from. Try to perceive them from that “pulled-back- place”.

Take back all the responsibility you gave them:

Take back your neediness. Take back your eagerness, take back your acceptance, take back your longing, take back your pleading and whatever it is: good or “bad”.

It is all yours to take back.

And then again feel what has shifted and changed within you?

How do you perceive those people and the situation?

What can you now do, decide or think differently?

Feel the choice of independence. Even if initially there is a pain and a hurt that you may sense more strongly and vividly in your chest or belly.

Breath in to it, and remember it is yours; Yours to feel, yours to have and yours to transform in order to retrieve those lost parts of yourself. Recover them from under the isolation of rejection and shame.

For a moment now, try to sense the space around you.

Try to find ways of letting go of some muscles, allow more movements to flow and play with your breath to change what may have been limiting your experience of a larger space.

It is your choice to have space. To have it as much as you want and dare to allow and expand into.

No one has the power to take that away from you, if you do not let them.

Give yourself a moment to let all of that just be. Throughout the day try to connect to this movement of pulling back and taking back.

Breathe if and each time there is a pain and discomfort that may wake up.

Remember that this discomfort is a state through which your whole self is finding new adjustments. It searches to recover from an inner dependency and move into a larger state of inner independency.

Hope you can enjoy the freedom you have tapped into.

Yours,

Anna

Photo by Vadym on Unsplash