Shine your light - opening the doors of despair

Do you have these periods when it feels as if everything is closing on you and you have no way out?

Or when it seems that everything gets dark and you barely can keep the last ray of light to come through before the doors of despair will close in on you?

There are moments in life where we seem to get stuck. When we lose the sight of where we have to go next. Moments we feel we are at a dead end without a connection to what we want and longed for.

Each one of us had his / her fair share of those moments. Of meeting those heavy doors of despair; Moments of a crisis and loss. Times of not knowing how to go on further. Periods in which the circumstances of our life seem to get only worse and worse or just more complicated.

We have to face it, that we will all have still some difficult and challenging moments ahead of us. No ones path is spared from it.

But the ability to love and grow through and despite those times is rooted deeply in our human ability. In the life force we carry in us.

When the heavy doors of despair start to close in on us, these are the times we tend to lose the connection to that vital force in us. This is the time where we give power to all those green monsters… when we become „childish“ in our experience of life and capability. The green monsters of self doubt. The ones of feeling dependent and needy. The ones that raise their hands to threat us with punishment and so many more.

They also may bring with them the dragons of old traumas that juts with their snarling glares immediately remind us of the painful and burning sensation of being rejected or neglected in some way. We immediately become within us those scared and helpless children….

Today I want to enable you to push the doors of despair wide open.

To do so, I will not offer you a new fantasy to hold on to. Nor will I trick you into believing there to live without those crisis.

But I would rather want to give you a key to the door of your own resilience. A connection to the ever burning light of life within you. That light, which always makes sure you are not being held hostage by despair or those childhood monsters.

I would like to encourage you to embrace a discipline of expansion. A readiness to trust your natural ability to endure different experiences and sensations without needing to give up on yourself or what you love.

The first step for that key to at all become visible and feasible we must start with a choice. A choice of being free. A readiness to stay when it is uncomfortable to feel and to let go when all you would like to do is to hold on.

To maintain that choice we need the honesty to see our dependency as well as our need to get stuck in accusation or depravation.

Often times when the crisis or loss we face turn into those heavy doors of despair, it may very well be that we are unknowingly trapped in an old inner dependency. One that makes us feel unable. One that keeps us in a sense of lack. One that makes us want to hold on to bitterness as if it is our swimming vest in the ocean of the unknown.

Here is what you can practically do:

To start, pay attention to how you may feel like when you think of that choice of freedom, no matter what the circumstances are?

Where and how did you cringe in your body?

Where and how do you become tense and tight?

How do you breathe and what do you do to separate yourself from the space around you?

What kind of thoughts enter your mind? Where and how are you tied to an accusation or the idea of things being unfair. Of being in a lack….?

What and who do you tend to accuse and how does this accusation feel like?

You may be very right in your accusation and judgement.

But the power you may draw from it, on the long run, is an illusion. You stay sighed to that past lack, hurt or abuse.

Give yourself the time now to fully feel and express your anger, rage and even hate towards those you hold accountable for your lack and past hurt.

Breathe deeply and allow yourself that moment without any restriction.

And now stand and feel your legs and belly.

Move in the room including your feeling your strength and possibility to act.

Make sure you stretch your face, jaw and even tongue.

And then stand and breathe to connect to the space with in you. Breathe so that you can better bring movement and flow into stuck parts of your body.

Breathe to agree to sense yourself in the space around you.

If you need move your shoulders and hips and feet just to make sure they are not creating that old grip.

And now remember what is it that you actually wanted and needed from those who you were hurt by. The ones you allowed yourself to reject a moment ago.

Feel how this need can be felt now.

Dare to feel that need in you. Recognize it as a physical experience and place (in and around you).

Breathe in to it and choose to open up your body and senses to allow that need to have more space.

Connect to the strength and ability to move while you do so.

Let air, space and light shine into and into that need.

Breathe and try now to walk with eyes closed (if you want you can also sit and try to do it without walking), while you let that need to lead you.

Now how does it feel in you? How does life feel for you? How much light is there now for you?

Feel the option of always choosing and allowing light, space and air embrace and touch that need. Pull out from the depth of the hapless past into the strength and the capability of the present.

Remember that sensation and try to connect it daily so it can get established in you.

So that the doors of depart will have no chance of closing in on you.

Yours

Anna

Photo by Viktor Forgacs on Unsplash