Still trying to prove them wrong? drop the leash of past criticism

Resistance and proving someone wrong, can be a great motor for us to reach our goals.

The anger involved and the energy provoked in resistance, fires us up and catapults us from a difficult place when being on the verge of giving up.

The problem with relying mainly on that kind of energy to reach our goals and to exercise our will, is that we become dependent on things going against us.

We search unconsciously for those resistances or those critical views of ourselves.

…And then like good trained hound dogs….we smell those resistance and judgements-bones and start to bite. We bite so strongly, drugged by the fumes of resistance or rejection.

We can’t seem then to let go. We are trapped in the need to prove “them” and ourselves, that we are worthy, right and able or just not “bad /wrong” as they see us.

We become blinded to everything else.

We become blinded to ourselves.

We may often manage to “win” the situation, but the price we pay is high; feeling drained, used, or simply empty afterwards.

For some of us this is how we get obsessed with work or with some relationships.

This is how we were trained and used to find motivation and direction to our choices.

This motor of resistance and proving wrong, is highly needed in our culture.

It is given on by past generations, where searching for personal freedom and committing to personal choice was not common and often forbidden.

We should be very careful not to let those forces inside of ours hearts. We should identify the difference between what is that we are fighting against or for and when does this fight leak into our system. When does it start to dominate us bynotletting us to truly reach who we are. By not letting us heal from the rejection and oppression wounds we carry.

It is so tempting to bite on to stress and on to effort.

On fighting.

On proving “them to be wrong”.

It is a quick rush of emotional adrenaline. It numbs our deepest longings and wounds we carry. It lets us hover above what is in us, we are so afraid of feeling.

So yes in moments of needing to free ourselves quickly, it is a wonderful energy.

After that, we need to shift. We need to preserve our energy. We need to come back to ourselves. Not stay “out there”. We need to connect to the deepest place of our being. We need re-connect to the root of our vital energy. A place from which we can grow and created.

Being used to fight, to push and to stress, we need to almost learn to better “endure” peace.

To stand the temptation of Doing, of immediately shooting with anger or with an effort to show we can or are allowed-to-if-we–want-to.

If you let yourself find those moments of being motivated by “pushing against”, you will find more of your truth. More inner strength and resilience that is based on truly feeling who we are. You will naturally be able to identify and move away from people, choices and situations that may harm or use you.

Once you realized even a little where this can happen, breathe into those areas of contracted efforts. Make sure you stop for a second before you follow the pressuring need to do something. Dare to let the old fear of maybe being rejected be met, move in you (and transform).

With this simple but courageous action, you can be released from that unseen master that still holds a leash over your heart. The “master” that dominates your sense of ease of being who you are.

This is the leash that does not let you get close to others. The leash that pulls you back with mistrust each time you might find something that can fill your heart. It tightens around your chest in those exact moments you meet what brings you relief and a sense of being held and wanted.

Those old leashes are the way we are held under the judgement of someone.

Even if our ego cannot stand to admit that we are still held, we know that we are held back. We know when we are not able to ever feel satisfied, held and loved or not having our place in the world.

You need to committedly refuse the need to contract yourself. You need to instead breath and expand. You need to become the master of your own choices of reaction.

It takes time. It takes determination and courage.

Remember that the leash of contraction offers a false relief. It makes you contract in a need to avoid feeling the (possible) hurt of rejection. It trained you to contract, to “behave” and maybe be saved from being rejected.

But the leash is held by those who cannot let their hearts be. Those who carry an enormous sense of inner rejection and lack.

Maybe they did not know better. Maybe they managed to get a hold of you, tempting you. Maybe you offered your neck, believing this is the way to get things done or find a solution.

We have to come to terms with those leashes and the temptation they offer, being around us.

We need to master our choices, clarify our motivations, and above all dare to feel and sense everything in us.

If you become the master of your expansion, of daring to meet all that you sense and feel, you will be able to recognize and stay free from those leashes.

You will find the motivation that will move you towards fulfillment.

You will find connections that lets you be free without any self-compromising conditions.

You will see that stress is not the only way to live. That pushing against is not the only motor for your bringing your motivation to thrive. That proving someone wrong is not the base your relationships will grow on.

Yours

Anna

Photo by Barthelemy de Mazenodon Unsplash