The doors of change

Every time we want to achieve a change for ourselves, there is a closed door in us that we need to learn how to open.

Change is the movement of us expanding. Of moving away from inner structures, from conscious and unconscious ways of controlling ourselves that then dictate how we act, what we chose and how we live and express ourselves.

When that wish for change seems difficult and out of reach, it may be that we have lost the keys to that door. We feel helplessly trapped behind those closed doors forever. Doomed to act in that harming way and feel rejected from life; trapped and unable to change our ways or to truly feel what we want.

In order to manage to open those doors we have to remember they were shut strongly to protect ourselves from hurt, shame, rejection, terror, or any other threat to our body, soul and spirit.

It was our way to make sure that we stay safe when we could not walk away, resist, or make the situation shift and change.

Closing parts of ourselves behind those doors, where no one was then able to reach them allowed them to stay protected and safe.

Unfortunately, some parts were also then closed away from us as well.

With time we believed that this is who we are. We forgot we have hidden those parts on purpose. We believe that these parts can exist only in hiding. That they are unable and weak. That life is too much for them and so on.

We became protective even by trying to resist anything that may feel too much for us.

We started to believe that our emotions or sensations are too much and dangerous. We tried to move in life avoiding anything that might knock on those doors.

We even leashed some hound dogs to bark at anything and anyone who dared to get closed to those doors, even if we were the ones knocking with wishes and longing. This can be also reflected in the physical pains and tensions, weakness and other discomforts we have.

Are you ready to knock on those doors? Find the keys in form of daring to feel what seemed to be too much or out of place? Are you ready to invite those parts of yourself that were in hiding to step out?

Are you ready to stop “barking” each time life knocks on those doors?

It means to take time and identify those doors. Move away from all the reasons you give yourself why things are impossible.

To choose to meet the experience you thought would be too much for you to feel or may break all that may have managed to achieve with effort.

The door through which you can “come out” is the same door that kept you hidden inside.

Let’s take feeling ashamed as an example:

If being shamed was what made you close parts of yourself like your voice, your spontaneity, your love or even your healthy anger and ability to set boundaries, then the door out is meeting that shame each time you speak. Each time you want to say no. Each time you express your love or excitement.

See that the way you may have become mistrusting others, cold, distant, shy or hesitant may have been the way you found possible for you after you have closed those parts of yourself behind those doors, so that being shamed will not reach it.

When you do open the doors and meet shame, it is not being shamed. You actually take the power back by feeling shame and not being shamed.

Giving it space within you. Breathing into it and let it touch all the parts and pieces of yourself that were shamed by others. When you do so, after a while there is no bad- feeling -of shame. It becomes like a soft hand that lets those shamed parts be held. It gives them the support to be seen and be wanted. Then you may feel fuller. Stronger and alive. Soft and able. Courageous and vulnerable. Clear and unstoppable. In being who you truly are you become changed. And change is the natural outcome.

When you commit to opening those doors, it might take a while. You have to knock on those doors again and again and showing up ready to meet what seemed impossible in the past.

You would have to let life through the situations you are in and the people you meet to knock on those doors. You have to let those parts of yourself nor be hidden and endure the first wobble and insecurity in those first exposures.

You might be needing to meet pains and other physical discomfort and instead of running away, fighting it or being devastated by it, see it as that which knocks on your doors. And as you chose to open the door, you would have to take time to feel how the pain is held in your body.

How you can let go of have the defensive structure you have created against it so that it can start and move and show you what you can take back, let go and heal. Do that with breath and movement when it come. Stiffness and the freezing of your breath is how you close the doors. It is how you let it be your enemy rather than the key to free those trapped parts of yourself.

I offer you to take the time to be aware of what doors are closed within you when you think of what you want to change in your life.

Then pay attention to the doors of protection:

What parts of your body become hard, numb or stiff?

How do you breathe?

How do you retreat inwards which thoughts and opinions make you believe that everything is against you or too much?

xWrite down which people and what situations, bring that to the surface.

Then when you stay with it, feel which aspect, quality or expression of yourself do you try to suppress?

Which part of yourself do you try to protect?

Ask yourself why?

What would happen if you won`t do all of that?

Are you sure that living with those closed doors is the safest?

Then try to gently test the waters by moving a little and breathing more.

Opening the door just a little at first, let whatever old feeling and sensation move in you and see if you can “take it”.

When it seems possible, make another step, in opening.

You can carry on little by little and when you feel ready you can do even a larger step in opening. Make sure you breath, you move and you are ready to open yourself (your body) to feel and express all that flows in it.

Repeat this for a while and chose concrete situations, in which you can then test your ability to open those doors.

I assure you that the change you want will be there in no time!

Yours,

Anna

Photo by Mina Ivankovic on Unsplash