When relationships get messy, celebrate.

Relationships are nourishment for our souls. They open spaces where we can rest, grow, and heal old wounds. They encourage us to discover more about ourselves. Express more of ourselves.

Each person touches us in different ways. Each one sheds light on us differently.

With that, we ought to know that messiness in our relationships will be inevitable. Conflicts are inevitable. These are places that make us grow. These can be places where we can free precious parts of ourselves. Crack open our hearts to breathe beyond the old crusty shields that may have resulted in trauma. Be who we are, and have the freedom to love and live without needing to prove our worthiness.

Usually, it becomes messy when we encounter a graded part in ourselves.

The messiness is then the expression of the efforts we helplessly engage in to compensate for the lack of stability we feel inside ourselves. These are efforts of being in protective mode. Of not letting anyone touch nor see our hurts and wounds.

This guardedness creates a trap in which we get dependent on the other person: on what they do, how they view us, and what we think they expect. They suddenly get power over us. We are giving them this power.

As a result, we either try to please them or control them.

We get stuck in being disappointed, angry, and upset.

We try to solve the messiness by obsessing about what should have been better. We tend to view only their faults.

But in truth when we do so, we are the ones rejecting, fearing, and suffocating ourselves. We are the ones who weaken ourselves. We are the ones torturing ourselves.

Keeping those guarded places within us does not allow us the freedom to be who we are in a relationship. They complicate the way we can identify and express what we need. They may convince us we cannot show our strength or glory. They may whisper that the other is dangerous and wants to hurt us. They might ask us to hold back or control.

A guarded place holds old fear. It holds onto a sense of helplessness and dependency.

It has a crust of shame. It holds us frozen in time.

We needed to guard these aspects and parts of ourselves in the past. Keep them safe from the outside. But today, we are the ones who stay imprisoned. We are the ones suffering.

It is challenging to step away from that hot mess.

In every relationship, we will live through moments of conflict. We will experience being hurt or misunderstood.

No one can be perfect in catering 100% to what we need and to who we are. No one is responsible for that - Especially when we hide and guard parts of ourselves.

But every relationship is a chance to reconnect to our truths.

To dare and take back all those feelings and aspects of ourselves that we may have been rejecting/protecting for years.

What if we change our perspective?

What if we chose to view every relationship as an opportunity to taste more freedom, no matter how messy it can get?

Why not celebrate it?

Celebrate every relationship you have and had. No matter how it is/was.

Celebrate the freedom you found for yourself.

Celebrate the freeing of those guarded/imprisoned aspects of you.

Celebrate the freedom that is about to come.

Celebrate the space that you can take.

Think of times you were entangled in a complication. What if, instead of getting trapped in the blame or guilt, you would celebrate the freedom you can find? The healing you can go through.

Celebrate the dignity and the worthiness you can gain back and take back.

Celebrate the power and beauty you have forgotten and now found.

Celebrate all of what you can gain back and retrieve from the claws of the past.

Celebrate freeing yourself from needing to please others for you to be loved.

Celebrate every moment that lets you feel what you have given up, neglected, or needed others to approve in you or give you.

Celebrate your growth.

Celebrate without thinking of the outcome, the right way, or what others would think about you.

When you take the time to celebrate, so much clarity will come. So much ease in yourself, so much freedom to be. And so much simplicity in your actions and interactions.

Celebrate how every relationship is an opportunity to free yourself from those past hurts and traumas. Celebrate the opportunity to let go of old neediness and dependency. To be at ease with who you are.

My friends, I invite you to celebrate.

Let us give space to all of ourselves. The imperfections will always be there. When we celebrate, we choose to free these guarded parts.

Let us celebrate as a way to let free all that we held back for so long. Let us create a state, in which we connect to our confidence and presence.

A state in which we are freed from old fears.

A state in which those wounded parts can heal.

A state from every messiness becomes an opportunity to be freed rather than put on a thicker wall.

Simply because WE choose that. Because WE want that.

Yours,

Anna

Photo by Kier In Sight on Unsplash