When things are gone - observing in silence

What happens when something we are so used to and take for granted, is taken away from us?

Often times when things we are so much used to, are suddenly not there for us anymore, we only than may see what they have held and meant for us. Their absence reveals what we have ignored and took for granted.

When the lid is off through this absence, we can better understand and feel where our fears and unresolved frustration sneakily leaked into our interactions and choices. It seems harsh, difficult and at the beginning impossible to “live” without it.

When some things are “taken away” from us, we are asked to find our inner balance and sense of security or trust in a complete new way. We are called to reach into ourselves and in to life from a place that is new and unknown to us until now.

The beauty in those - very - uncomfortable – and – frightening - moments, is that we can suddenly get struck by a wave of appreciation to what we had and have. A wave that is quiet and gentle. One we need to notice under the turbulence we experience.

It is a wave that flows steadily and strongly but almost unnoticed.

If we manage to perceive it, if we manage to find an island of peace to land on for couple of moments at a time, we get to experience this current; the love and acknowledgment that was hitchhiked before by our egos, by the need to be right and by not knowing how to trust ourselves and others. These warm forces start to push their way in to our hearts.

The lack of what we may have taken for granted, gives us a chance to question and let go of beliefs, ideologies, judgments and the way we see ourselves and the world.

The way we deal with this loss (which asks us to move through many difficult feelings), determines on which side of this thin line will we stand and what will then be available to us: on the one that is a place of growth, of becoming fuller with meaning and freer within, or on the other side of bitterness and the shrink into lost entitlement and a constant blame.

It is our choice.

In the last days I have lost my voice due to a throat infection. Suddenly my voice became horse and …vanished. The only thing left for me was to whisper. And even that I can’t really do much. So I am bound to complete silence.

Being suddenly voiceless is strange. It brings to light the way I am used to talk (or avoid talking) and communicate with my husband and son for example.

Now with this new state, we all have to shift.

It is astonishing to observe and feel how much this one change touches in our lives.

How it exposes underlying structures and patterns that are not always healthy and balanced, that were very easy to ignore.

How it demands attention and care to the interaction.

By being silent and not able to immediately and impulsively respond, the intentions and unconnected needs that mix into the normal way of my and of our expression/communication, become so clear.

My silence asks us to shed the expectations, assumptions and demands we bring to the partnership. Ones that derive from our own wounds, frustrations and conditioning but often times would be “thrown” at each other unconsciously. All those things that may dull the care, love and attention that we are actually should be commanded by.

This state of me losing my voice, is bringing some delicate parts of our interaction to light. The parts of listening, of understanding and being attentive no matter what. Having less of a boundary between us. Remembering our love and trust that cannot be exchanged by words. Our being is called to be more alive and present together.

You would think that words would be the ones responsible for that… but now it is the silence.

Of course if I would have intentionally created this silence out of fear, out of not daring to say what I want need and feel or needing to punish someone, it will not have this effect.

This new silence and the loss of voice, have brought the gentle connection again into light. The one that is so easily being covered by our daily routines, stresses and simply the years of being together.

So I offer you to take some moments in your relationships, at work, and other parts of your life, to simply observe in silence. To be there without needing to explain, protect yourself or demand. Just be and see what comes to light within yourself, in the relationship and the situation. When you do not talk about it out loud and do not listen to what your mind shouts about it.

See what starts to shift. What are the immediate frustrations that pop up and what happens if you do not immediately talk about it in the normal way you would? Or maybe take time not to talk about it, let it sit and only later say something if you tend to be the bursting type. It will take a while to move through. To let go of the feeling that you are not allowed something and move to discover new layers.

See what choices are getting clearer, which motivations you can be more homes about and what are the unnecessary parts of the interactions you are used to that can maybe let go of.

As I cannot record the meditation for you these days, here is a link for you to the meditative music I usually use ( created by Tom Krimi)

Klick to hear: observe in silence

Simply listen.

You are invited to have a silent meditation and dive into yourself, into your life and what is around you that you usually take for granted. You can think and observe things around you. You can start with the banal things and then move to others. Bigger ones.

Imagine how it will be when they are gone…Stay with this experience for a moment.

You can do it while looking at the object, a picture of the person or in your mind’s eye.

Take time. Breath and feel. Allow to all feelings to surface. Dare to let the love and appreciation to surface. It can be one that is continuing to be vibrant or one that was there but is clearly long gone. See what moves in you with time. Let all of it enter your heart, your muscles and bones. Feel what is revealed.

(You can even do it with things and people that you are now annoyed by and just see how a resolution and maybe a healthier separation can reveal itself to you, out of appreciation.)

I hope you can embrace life more into your heart, yourself and all that is around you, out of this. An embrace that can lead you to clearer choices, stronger connections and reveal the truths of your motivations.

Photo by Boba Jovanovicon Unsplash